


A quick rant about liars

by Controversial_Ereri



Series: 109.5 Controversial Ereri Radio [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 18+, Brief mention of a person living in an abusive household, Dark Comedy, Dark Humor, Eren insulting people, Explicit Language, Lying to impress people, M/M, Mentions of cannibalism / cannibals (from a book), NSFW, Other, R Rated language, Very small portion mocking religion, liars, offensive language, radio show, ranting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 21:00:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Controversial_Ereri/pseuds/Controversial_Ereri
Summary: On this episode of Controversial Ereri, the boys have a quick rant about people who have lied to them.Please read the notes and tags before continuing with this reading.





	A quick rant about liars

**Author's Note:**

> First: I need you to go ahead and read my username. Controversial Ereri.  
> If you are easily offended do not read this shit.  
> Seriously, I'm not kidding.  
> If you're one of those people that go on Tumblr and post all your lovely opinions and are very pro this and pro that… yeah you should really leave right now.  
> This is NOT a safe space.  
> You've been warned.  
> (This was probably the most tame piece I've written so far. Sorry that it's not as brutal as usual.)

Levi sat at his chair, a book sitting on the table in front of him. His fingers tapped over the hardcover, playing the tune to Mario but no one would actually know that. The golden text on the front cover glowed up at him, reading 'Tea Time with Levi Ackerman.' A book about enjoying the small things and giving absolutely no shits.  

“You can stop advertising your book, Levi,” Eren laughed from across the table. “It's been out for weeks, everyone has read it already.”

His fingers stopped moving, his gaze moving up to glare at his partner. One hand shot out, grabbing his microphone and bringing it close to his mouth. “Except that they haven't, Eren,” he growled, ever dramatic with the theritixs.  

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Some bitch messaged me last night,” Levi paused and grabbed his phone, scrolling through his messages before he getting what he needed. “'Hey, Levi! Loved your book! Was wondering if I could get some free signed copies for a silent auction my church is throwing!’”

Eren's jaw dropped, “For a church? No fucking way." There was an entire chapter detailing the things Levi had done to Eren in public, and another chapter that had over ten paragraphs describing Levi's new religion of worshipping his boyfriend's ass.

"Yes, and this isn't the first fucking time I've gotten a message like this," Levi relaxed back into his seat, leaving his phone out on the table so that he could massage his temple just below his headset. "I don't get why people would lie about something so stupid. You've either read the book or you haven't."

"I've had something similar happen," Eren held his hand up, not giving Levi a chance to brag about having written a book while Eren hadn't. "I said similar!"

"Okay, tell us then."

"I met this girl when I was still in highschool, she was nice whatever; had no idea that I preferred dick over pussy," Eren pretended to gag much to Levi's amusement. "Anyway, she asked me what my favorite book was-"

"-Cannibal: The True Story of the Maneater of Rotenburg," Levi said quickly for the listeners.

"Right," Eren smiled at Levi before continuing. "We were texting back and forth, just talking, and she's telling me she's at the bookstore and that's why she asked. Said she ordered it and would read it."

"That's.. weird," Levi said slowly. "That's definitely not a book everyone is going to want to read."

"That's what I said!" Eren shouted. "She said she wanted to read it because it was my favorite, and since we were friends she trusted my tastes-"

"-A taste for reading about a man eating human flesh; apparently," Levi teased.

Eren ignored him, "A few weeks pass and I totally forgot about it, until I saw it mentioned on the news that they were reviewing the guys case  _ once again _ -"

"-He ate another human being, Eren. Do  _ not _ even start one of your rants about how he shouldn't have gotten in trouble."

"Fine," The brunette huffed. "So, I asked her about the book, wanted to know if she liked it. She said she loved it.. that it was a wonderful story."

"The fuck? That book is completely fucked."

"Exactly," Eren said with a frown. "I asked her what she thought of the guys mother," Eren chuckled to himself before continuing. "She said that she seemed like a lovely person."

The two boys stared at each other, processing Eren's words. The mother in the story abused her son daily. She was in no way a 'lovely' person.

"So, there's not a fucking chance she actually read it," Levi said.

"Nope!" Eren replied. "That made me fuck with her, ended up sending her stupid ass questions to see what she would come up with. Asked her if she she would go to his place for dinner."

"Oh, please tell me she said yes."

"Of course she did! She said something like, 'Oh I'd love to! He seemed like an amazing cook!' Seriously? I don't even think she paid attention to the  _ title _ of the book when I told her. She probably didn't even fucking remember it," He paused. "When I texted her I asked her, 'did you ever get around to reading that book?' and she just said yes. I didn't call her out on the fact that this guy fed his co-workers human remains though, I really should have."

"The things people say to impress people, it's pathetic," Levi said with a sigh. "Lying will get you nowhere."

"What's worse is.. once she learned I was gay.. that I was never going to be with her? She completely turned on me. Started spreading lies about me and shit," Eren rolled his eyes. "She was the one lying from the very beginning, and it was always about stupid shit. Shit she thought would impress me."

"She sounds like a fucking piece of trash"

"She was," Eren chuckled. "And she looked like it too, or... more like.. she looked like a fucking witch. Most  _ unattractive _ bitch I've ever met. Whenever she posts photos online now it's always using a Snapchat filter and I think it's that's the funniest fucking shit. I follow her on insta just to see how horrible her life has gotten."

"At least the bitch that messaged me last night wasn't trying to impress me," Levi shrugged. "Just trying to get free shit from me, your story is worse."

Eren just hummed, "Ah whatever, last I heard she was single with three kids and living in her mother's basement. Guess she has a bunch of debt because she was a fucking idiot and joined a pyramid scheme.." He waved the story off showing he was done with it. "Did you ever end up replying to the church lady?"

Levi smirked, "I got her address and sent her six signed copies this morning." He raised his cup of tea like he was about to give a toast, "Happy church sale."

Eren laughed and grabbed for his coffee cup to lift it into the air and knock against Levi's. "To the bitches who got what they deserved!"

"Amen."

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
